It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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