oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
