he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
