oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
