we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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