I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
