Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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