my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
