have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
