been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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