You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
