Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
