even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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