How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
