Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
