So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
did i just pee glitter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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