Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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