Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
