dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
