I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
