i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
