my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
