I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
