I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
