I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
