U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
