I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
