3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My first STD was from a foam party
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
