I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
