google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Welp...herpes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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