I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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