I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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