I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
