also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
