Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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