we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
