i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cat gives me a boner
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Two words: blizzard sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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