someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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