i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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