I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
