I accidentally had phone sex last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
