Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
