Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
