Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
