Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
