____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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