so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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