he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
