I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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