guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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