Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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