come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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