for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
