a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
